I've mentioned before that my friend, D, has a boyfriend that I think doesn't treat her well.  His name is Arshad.  Arshad and I have had a falling out.  D and I are still friends.  D's daughter had a birthday party that Boo was invited to.  She calls me the night before just to warn me that Arshad will be there.  I said that was fine, I wasn't going to do anything or say anything.  I would be pleasant and so would Lee.

Before I left for work this morning, Boo was talking about the Birthday party and was very excited.

I called D from work to ask her something.  She said "Would you be offended if I asked you not to come to "Daughter's" birthday party?"  Originally, Arshad wasn't going and for some reason changed his mind and was going to be there.  When he found out we were going to be there, he threw a huge fit. 

I said it was fine, because I didn't want D to get a ration of shit from him and I know he wouldn't let it go.  He would pick on her.  I had an idea and that was to send the older girls in with Boo and I'd wait in the car.  Boo thought she was already going, I had picked out a present and I didn't want her to not go and be with her buddy.

So my older girls, knowing some about the Arshad situation, go in.  I realized as they walked through the door that even though they were nervous, the girls are more mature than Arshad.

And then I got pissed.  I probably shouldn't have sent the girls in, but it was a public place and Arshad wouldn't treat them badly.  They took care of Boo.  They had fun.

But I was pissed of at D.  It hit me.  I feel I did nothing wrong, but because Arshad couldn't be adult enough to handle the situation, I was left out in the car, watching my kids from the outside, missing out on the fun they were having.  I didn't get to see Boo do the balance beam or do the gymnastic stuff.  You would think that Arshad wouldn't come if he felt that uncomfortable.  But that's not the way the world works.  Basically I'm being treated like sort of sub-human.  I thought I was a good friend.  I did email Arshad over a month ago and just about 3 times because he was getting physical with D and I felt very protective.  I think that's "bad" in her eyes.  But that was it.  I've not had contact with him since.

Lee and I have not directed any bad behavior to D or Arshad and I have said nothing derogatory regarding Arshad.

The birthday party was about the children.  Boo and "daughter" are buddies.  And he is so selfish and self centered that he picked on Dana and she allowed him to get to her.  She asked me, her supposed friend, to not come to the party.  To uninvite me like I was doing something wrong. 

I found out later from Lee that she called in the morning while I was at work.  She said she didn't want us emailing Arshad or causing problems.  That hurt badly.  We would never do anything to make the situation uncomfortable for her and would never do anything to make it stressful for the kids.  At one time we emailed him and for good reason and I don't regret that.  But I said my thing.  I was done. 

And there I was, in the car, watching my children at a birthday party that I was uninvited to.  I would never do that to anyone.  I would invite whoever and if people had problems with each other, I'd let them deal with it and focus on the kids and the party. 

And it didn't hit me until I'm sitting out the car, looking in at everyone.  And I didn't get to see Boo do the balance beam for the first time.  That hurt.   

Comments

[golfwidow]

Interesting how D asks you "Would you be offended if I asked you not to come to 'Daughter's' birthday party?" but isn't completely clear why "your real 'friends' here on-line" don't consider her to be a good friend to you.

[dana]

I thought I would send this to you here hoping you will actually get it. This was my response to your emails that were blocked or whatever happened:
No, i don't feel that you all did anything wrong. I was wrong. I only
said that you were running errands because I didn't want to explain
things to my mom. Other moms left too. My mom told the girls they were
very beautiful by the way, they really are. I didn't think that you and
Lee would act badly at all, I just asked for there to be no emails
because I didn't want to get anything from Arshad (negative). I never said
or thought you would be behave badly. In fact, I thought that, if
anything, you would be the bigger person and try to get a hold of him to
make it so it would be allright at the party. I don't know if that makes
sense, but I don't know how else to explain it. I know I said this
before, but if you don't want to be friends with me anymore, I completely
understand, but if you have made that decision it isn't completely
clear (sometimes I am really dense) so will you please tell me?

obviously by the post of your real "friends" here on-line you have chosen not to be my friend anymore. as I told you before I love you dearly and I always will.

[Barbara]

Ah Betty, I've missed you so much. Working is great but I really miss my old life also. To bad I can't merge them both. I guess I could, but that would mean no sleep for me.

[Kellbelle]

You already know how I feel about this "friend". Learn your lesson, walk away before you get more hurt and be careful who you call a friend in the future. You were her friend... not sure she was every YOUR friend.

[CGG]

I agree with Golfwidow on this one.

[golfwidow]

I hate to be harsh, but it's time to cut her loose and tell her why. If she wants him and the danger he poses to be more important than her friendship with you, she's just going to have to do without you. You've been a good friend and she hasn't. When she needs you again, you'll be there. Till then, she always has him.

[Alex Vance]

Arshad sounds like a first-class shit.

By the way, I wanted to compliment you on your barbie art work over on Diaryland, but D-land wouldnt post my comment. It just redirected me to a page asking me to join D-land.